Hmm, okay.
Well, since that strange race of people called Moogly people invaded earth, their photon beams seem to be interfering with my ISP's POP servers. Now, whenever someone sends me e-mail, it's all translated into some unknown language which I believe to be some obscure Mooglian dialect. At any rate, I cannot seem to translate it and it's causing me serious distress.
I signed up for a Hotmail account, but after receiving my 1,204,111th SPAM in one day (LITERALLY) I ended up sending a few boxes full of man-eating cockroaches to a few high level Hotmail execs and now I seem to be banned. At least I'm assuming that's what it means when I try to log into my Hotmail account and see nothing but a blue screen calling me a bunch of rather unfriendly names right before my computer crashes. Guess I shouldn't have put my real home address as the return address on those packages, huh?
Then I tried using my dedicated server to receive e-mail. It was going okay for a while until my host got pissed at me and locked me out. I don't know what his problem is. I got a call from him late one night. He sounded drunk and hostile. Something about screwing his wife or something, but is it MY fault that his wife has lesbian tendancies? Besides, she told me he couldn't lick his way out of a wet paper bag, anyway. Poor sap. I almost felt sorry for him until he redirected all my traffic to his TGP.
I don't know what else to do. Even AOL won't give me e-mail anymore ever since that little incident with the 842 pizzas, but I won't get into that now. I've gotta have e-mail and I'm banned everywhere else. I guess I should feng shui my house or something because my chi is SO NOT good.
