This is what I have so far
---------------------------------------------------------
If you were to tell me I was destined to encounter a supernatural cow on the 16th year of my existence, I would have considered you to be crazy?. Up until last month that is.
It all started on my way home from school on a Friday afternoon, The sun was shining brightly and I could just sense that summer was near. Oh what a fantastic day, what could possibly go wrong? I was soon to find out.
Out of the woods came a 1,000 lb cow charging at full speed. Before I had a chance to think about moving out of the way, BAM! I was instantly knocked unconscious. The next thing I know I was in the middle of a field surrounded by cattle staring me down. ?What the?? I thought out loud while rubbing my injured skull. The next thing I know I was startled by a rumbling voice in the distance.
?BEHOLD, THE CHOSEN ONE HAS AWOKEN?
A glowing cow emerged from the far side of the field, ?Greetings young steer? he spoke. ?You were kidnapped, I?m sorry, cow napped by my minion Bessy.? ?But why??, I confusingly pleaded. He responded, ?In your past life you were one of us, that?s right Danielle, You were once a Cow.? ?16 years and 11 months ago you were slaughtered to become a shipment of McDonald?s food?, he continued. ?You were the leader of our tribe, a true cow sorceress! It was rumored that every human who ate of your body eventually died of an undiscovered form of mad cow disease.?
?What? How is that possible?? I screamed.
?Let me finish?, spoke the wise cow. ?Our scientists have been working around the clock ever since your demise to track down who you were reincarnated as. Finally we discovered you were a Human attending school at Somersworth High.?
?Well, What do you want from me?? I said.
?The question is, Your holiness, What do you want from us? You are the soul reason our religion exists this very day! I am prepared to offer you 3 wishes from myself and the rest of the community to repay our debt to your past guidance.?
At this point I was very confused, I didn?t know if that cow killed me and I was in some sort of parallel universe where cows could speak! Whatever, I thought to myself. I might as well make the best of this weird fantasy.
?Okay, I?ll bite.? ?I wish for a Billion Dollars, World Peace, and The ability to fly? I said chuckling.
?YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND? screamed the obviously demented cow. Before I knew it I was back on the very sidewalk I was attacked on. ?What the hell?? ?I need a cigarette, that was too weird of a dream even for me to have!?
I reached in my purse to pull out a trusty Marlboro Red