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Confirmed User
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,839
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Really? I'm shocked. I thought most everyone hated them. Although, I do have a great story about StarFucks....
In the mid 1990s, my friend was living in McLean, VA, a snobby, overpriced, pretentious bedroom community of Washington, D.C. Many self important, white, WASPy assholes lived there, including, but not limited to: senators, congressmen, lobbyists, big wigs in the Oil industry, a few Kennedys, Colin Powell, and that dumb-fuck, Ken Starr. Needless to say, this town did not appreciate a femme dyke hottie [with a real nice set of hooters, I might add].
One day in October of 1996, she ran into StarFucks to pick up a grande skinny caffeine free latte for her demon-boss. Gawd was surely on her side that day, for StarFucks was out of lids.
Anyway...she was making her way over to the little bar [with the cream and sugar], and this toddler runs right smack into her. My femme friend always wears heals, so she began to wobble and do that little "oh-fuck-oh shit-omigod" dance, trying to not spill 24 ounces of steaming hot overpriced yuppie java on this lil kidlet.
Both ecologically friendly containers of the demon-caffeine go flying from her hands, and the steaming brown brew of ecstasy made a gloriously large stain on a very nice pair of dark grey wool pinstriped men's trousers. Right on the crotch!!! There was a mighty, primal, disembodied scream. [As one would imagine]
She was mortified, at first. This poor man was wincing and turning purple in the face, and starting to chew her out. I apologized profusely, she started to take the blame for everything from the crucifixion to the inquisition. [as girls sometimes do]
Then, it dawned on my friend. This purple faced guy in the expensive pants looked awfully familiar. She halted the pathetic apologies, stared at his face dumbly for a minute, and then shrieked, "ohmyfucknggawd, you're PAT BUCHANNAN!!!".
He was one of the more prolific and notorious neighbors, too. In fact, my friend had just scalded the dick of America's favorite bigot!!!
Despite his pain and discomfort, he started to smile, extended his hand to shake, and made some sort of chipper mini speech, like "Why, yes I am, can I count on your vote next Month?"
"HellfuckingGod no, you're a fucking asshole!" she chirped, before coming to her wits (she had, after all, just spilled two hot grande coffees on a very powerful and scary homophobic man's cock).
The next time my friend ventured into that StarFucks [to get coffee for the mega evil boss], the barista whispered, "Are you the lady who spilled coffee all over Pat Buchanan? He's such a jerk! Your coffee is on the house!"
She never paid for another mocha there, again.
The End
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