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xxx
Industry Role:
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 31,550
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What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
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Introductions
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
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My How Things Change
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!
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Been A Long Time, Fellas
Me and a buddy were going hunting one day and as we came to the top of a hill I saw that one of my friends cows had it's head stuck in a fence,and since he let us hunt on his land I would free his cow from the fence. When we got to the cow I looked at my buddy and said "ya know , I havent had any in awhile" so I started fucking the cow and really gettin into it. When I finished I told my buddy it was his turn... So he went and stuck his head in the fence.
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Chinese Detective
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in hahahahahaha.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, not see.
NO FEE
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Choices
A guy tells his wife that she has three choices. She can either go hunting with him, give him a blowjob, or he can butt fuck her.The wive says, "I don't want to go hunting because its cold out, and I've never been butt fucked before, so I think I'll go with the blowjob." So she's down there doing her thing and suddenly she says,"your dick tastes like shit!" The guy says, "yeah, the dog didn't want to go hunting either."
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The Triplets
A women was pregnant with triplets. One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives. She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out. So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story. The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHOOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
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