Buff

Posting about what a bunch of simple-minded idiots most of you are takes up too much of my valuable time which could be better spent kicking people's asses. And yet the message must be proclaimed, loud and clear, so that your stupidity does not escape unrecognized.

It is in that stead, then, that I am going to accept applications from you peons for the position of Official Buff Spokesperson. Your duties will include but not be limited to:

1) Taking dictation from me and posting my words verbatim on various webmaster boards and other internet forums.

2) Kissing my ass, posting descriptions of how magnificient I am, and defending me against all my jealous or dimwitted detractors.

3) Answering the superabundance of generic, uninspired emails I receive.

Qualified candidates will be bright, articulate, grammatically-proficient anti-government minded people, probably not found on this board. Salary negotiable.