blakkfrogg

Curl Up and Die
I walked into a hair salon with my husband
and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX

Pad, please!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I
wanted to follow as best could, so I told my 6-year-old son to
run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex
right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC

Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the
bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he
made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera
and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies
made and included one with each of our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover
that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the
mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld

Lady Golfer
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by
one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins,
31, Ferndale, MI

Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and
I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to
grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance
from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked
me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you
don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what
they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard
when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson;
Stafford, Virginia

Surprise!
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at
home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited
my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed
after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs.
I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a nude piggyback
ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we
didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom
of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole
crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!" My entire family: aunts,
uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing
there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and
embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party
again.
Tim Cahill,
Poughkeepsie, New York

Priceless
One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories
I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked
up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up
to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no
price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker
got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,
"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for
"THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back
over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH
YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

Mom's Advice
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was
squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite
embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him
to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother
and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned
to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of
the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting
at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to
call your mom." she screamed. "I did," he said, "And she told
me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me
up from school."

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Warning: Pissing on a live power is stupid.