ok I'm bored so ........
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<td><h2>101 Things Not to Say During Sex</h2>
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1. But everybody looks funny naked! <br>
2. You woke me up for that? <br>
3. Did I mention the video camera? <br>
4. Do you smell something burning? <br>
5. What tampon? <br>
6. Try breathing through your nose. <br>
7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone. <br>
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant? <br>
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door? <br>
10. But whipped cream gives me the shits. <br>
11. Can you make some noises, so that hottie next door thinks I'm good? <br>
12. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour! <br>
13. Can you please pass me the remote control? <br>
14. Do you accept Visa? <br>
15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ <br>
16. Ew - on second thought, let's turn off the lights. <br>
17. And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend! <br>
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth. <br>
19. Try not to leave any stains, okay? <br>
20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... <br>
21. (Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo! <br>
22. Do you get any premium movie channels? <br>
23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! <br>
24. (Preparing to incorporate peanut butter) But I just steam-cleaned this couch! <br>
25. Got any penicillin? <br>
26. But I just brushed my teeth... <br>
27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera! <br>
28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs! <br>
29. I want a baby! <br>
30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies! <br>
31. (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work? <br>
32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth... <br>
33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting? <br>
34. I think you have it on backwards. <br>
35. When is this supposed to feel good? <br>
36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs! <br>
37. You're good enough to do this for a living! <br>
38. Is that blood on the headboard? <br>
39. Did I remember to take my pill? <br>
40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere? <br>
41. I wish you'd let me put this bag on your head... <br>
42. That leak better be from the waterbed! <br>
43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries! <br>
44. So, how's your mother? <br>
45. Did I tell you that I found this mattress on the side of the highway? <br>
46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance. <br>
47. No, really... I do this part better myself! <br>
48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate! <br>
49. This would be more fun with a few more grandparents. <br>
50. You're almost as good as my ex! <br>
51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape? <br>
52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes? <br>
53. You look younger than you feel. <br>
54. Perhaps you're just out of practice. <br>
55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion! <br>
56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash. <br>
57. Now I know why he/she dumped you... <br>
58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun? <br>
59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated. <br>
60. I hope my stomach doesn't look too puffy - I haven't shat in weeks. <br>
61. Have you ever considered liposuction? <br>
62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner! <br>
63. What are you planning to make for breakfast? <br>
64. I have a sickening confession... <br>
65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home! <br>
66. Are those real or am I just behind the times? <br>
67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child? <br>
68. Is that a hanging sculpture? <br>
69. You'll still vote for me, won't you? <br>
70. Did I mention my transsexual operation? <br>
71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something! <br>
72. Did you come yet, dear? Did I? <br>
73. I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about... <br>
74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time! <br>
75. Does this count as a date? <br>
76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you! <br>
77. Hic! I need another beer for this please. <br>
78. I think purple nurples are romantic - don't you? <br>
79. You can cook, too right? <br>
80. When would you like to meet my parents? <br>
81. Have you ever tried it in the nose? <br>
82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"? <br>
83. Sorry about the nametags, They're to avoid any embarrassment later. <br>
84. Don't mind me I always file my nails in bed. <br>
85. (In a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls? <br>
86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light? <br>
87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman. <br>
88. Sorry but I don't do toes! <br>
89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it! <br>
90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO! <br>
91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper... <br>
92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for ''The Enquirer''. <br>
93. So that's why they call you Mr. Flash! <br>
94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer! <br>
95. Is this a sin too? <br>
96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain! <br>
97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn? <br>
98. Long kisses clog my sinuses... <br>
99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise... <br>
100. How long do you plan to be ''almost there''? <br>
101. You mean you're NOT my blind date? <br>
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