GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - View Single Post - Have you heard the one about the smart blonde?

Rictor · 12-29-2003, 07:20 PM

Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
A. Cause you have to hollow out it's head!

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde
replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear.
Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?"
"The sucker called again!"

Q. Why was the blonde in the tree?
A. Because she was raking up the leaves!

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell
phone.
"Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned around and went
home.

A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't
serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time,
she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde
asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."

A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
Q. They think their picture is being taken.

A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that it's empty, and goes back
inside.
Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it's still empty, and goes back in.
The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?"
The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem! My computer keeps on telling me 'I've got mail'!"

A. Why can't Blondes dial 911?
Q. They can't find the 11 on the phone!

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a
handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her
own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the
husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".

Once there was a blonde who was going to take flying lessons, so she went to the airport to rent a plane. The manager told her
there were no planes left so she would have to use a helicopter. So the blonde got in the helicopter and took off. Every 10 miles she
checked in with the manager; after the first 10 miles, she said it was a blast. When she reached 20 she told him that she had never seen
so many buttons. But when she reached 30 miles she didn't check in so the manager went to rescue her. When he found her he asked
her how she crashed. The blonde replied, "It was getting cold so I turned off the big fan."

Q. What is eternity?
A. When 4 blondes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection!

One day, a blonde went to a ventriloquist show. During the show, the ventriloquist used his "dummy" to make fun of blondes. The
crowd roared with laughter, but the blonde was angry.
Outraged, she stood up and said, "How dare you make fun of blondes!"
The ventriloquist replied saying, "Madam, I'm very sorry. But it's just part of the act."
The blonde screamed, "You shutup! I'm talking to the little man on your knee!"

Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios?
A. Donut seeds.

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull.
When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better
deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"
The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word." The
brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."
"Comfortable?" the guy questions.
"Yes, you see she reads slow."

Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A. Wave at her.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint
my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were
in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes
all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde
answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm
sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going
to New York." The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat." The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm
beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and
told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went
to her seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't
going to New York."

12-29-2003, 07:20 PM
Rictor Old Timer Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Indianapolis Posts: 12,208	Q. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman? A. Cause you have to hollow out it's head! A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?" The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear. Still not satisfied, the doctor asked, "Well, what happened to the other ear?" "The sucker called again!" Q. Why was the blonde in the tree? A. Because she was raking up the leaves! A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks fustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!" One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned around and went home. A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave." A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? Q. They think their picture is being taken. A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that it's empty, and goes back inside. Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it's still empty, and goes back in. The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?" The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem! My computer keeps on telling me 'I've got mail'!" A. Why can't Blondes dial 911? Q. They can't find the 11 on the phone! A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!" Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for Winter". Once there was a blonde who was going to take flying lessons, so she went to the airport to rent a plane. The manager told her there were no planes left so she would have to use a helicopter. So the blonde got in the helicopter and took off. Every 10 miles she checked in with the manager; after the first 10 miles, she said it was a blast. When she reached 20 she told him that she had never seen so many buttons. But when she reached 30 miles she didn't check in so the manager went to rescue her. When he found her he asked her how she crashed. The blonde replied, "It was getting cold so I turned off the big fan." Q. What is eternity? A. When 4 blondes meet at a 4-way-stop-sign-intersection! One day, a blonde went to a ventriloquist show. During the show, the ventriloquist used his "dummy" to make fun of blondes. The crowd roared with laughter, but the blonde was angry. Outraged, she stood up and said, "How dare you make fun of blondes!" The ventriloquist replied saying, "Madam, I'm very sorry. But it's just part of the act." The blonde screamed, "You shutup! I'm talking to the little man on your knee!" Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios? A. Donut seeds. A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00. Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it. Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer. The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?" The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that." "Comfortable?" the guy questions. "Yes, you see she reads slow." Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A. Wave at her. A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York. When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry. Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat." The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat." The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York." This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response. The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde. The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach. The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move. He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."