Tala
I hear you man , at the age of 31 i had two heart acts ,
in jan this year they found i have lung cancer , tho not spreading threw me yet and it plays hell to your mind when will it and how bad will it be . 5 months ago they told me my liver is failing and now only getting worse . With it the way it is i have to be very care full for the fact most meds can kill me . I know have a centrol never problem and live in great pain . When i wake up i cant walk and the only thing that helps the pain is to drink the nite before tho i am not to do that .
I joke on it all the time tho most my friends get very mad at me , it has became very hard on my wife and we just had our son Nov 1st , before dying didnt bother me that is life , now it does and only for one reason , it bothers me to think that the rate i am going i may not get to see my son ever do the things a father hopes and cant wait to see him do . So now i have made alot of changes in my life , I live every day for him and try to spend all the exter time i can with him . I work harder then ever for him and his mother so that when i am gone they will not have to worry .
It is good to be able to joke on it as TALA said if not you will go nutts , i know it sounds funny tho it is true , the last week for me has been more then hard i have been in a deep deprestion all week over , being very scaird what would happen to my family when i am gone .
I am not one to go threw transplaints and all the chemo and al that shit , I seen to many deal with more pain , so i have came to terms with myself that i will deal with the pain and live with it all i can .
My friends feel bad and sad all the time , and make me feel worse . People have to understand when a person knows he is dying it is already hard on him , and reminding him and telling you are sorry he is so sick or this and that just makes him remember that he has people depending on him and makes him worry more and can ( as in my case ) make that person worse .
Tho we should never tell people to dye that just isnt cool , but i have had a person say fuck off and die and i tell them not a prob i am dying now , maybe i will be fucking the nite it happens , and they just look at me like i am a nutt .
I do want to say thanks to my best friend and business partner for the last week to keep me strong threw alot this week .
xxxoutsourcing.com/lgl
Wish all a good day and a great weekend
Peace out jim
