11-17-2003, 02:54 PM
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I'd rather be on my boat.
Industry Role:
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 9,748
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Quote:
Originally posted by directfiesta
THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GREAT BRITAIN Nov 17 2003
That's this itty bitty country due east of the States where folks talk kinda weird, Mr President
By Ruki Sayid And Damien Fletcher
1, LONDON is the capital of the UK which is an independent country and not your 51st State.
Please note that at various times we have kicked/saved their asses.
2, OUR Sovereign is Queen Elizabeth II (that's pronounced second not eleven). You must not put your arm around her and call her "honey" or "l'il lady". She is to be addressed as "Your Majesty" or "Ma'am" at all times.
She lives off of the charity of the British people in great wealth while performing important functions like attending the openings of hospitals.
3, HER eldest son is called Prince Charles not "Chuck". Don't talk to him about butlers, valets or ask him if he's seen any good videos.
Also remember not to ask about the breed of dog standing next to him.....it's actually his girlfriend.
4, WHEN you sit down to a state banquet you use the cutlery starting from the outside. Big Mac and fries won't be on the menu.
Don't be startled when everything on the plate is boiled to a mushy grey texture.
5, THE RAF won the Battle of Britain not Tom Cruise or Bruce Willis.
However the British waste as much time following their careers as the rest of the western hemisphere
6, WE live in a democracy and as such have the right to demonstrate so if your route is lined with thousands of anti-war protesters, don't ask for them to be extradited to Camp X-ray.
much like here in the US, exept they are always being rained on while they protest.
7, WE say trousers not pants - unless of course we are referring to your foreign policy.
Luckily Tony Blair follows your foreign policy closely, so they use pants when referring to their own leader as well.
8, WILLIAM Shakespeare, our greatest playwright, wrote Romeo and Juliet, not Zefferelli. Don't ask to meet Will - he's dead.
Don't be surprised when they ask you why everything is bigger in America
9, BE sure to register for the congestion charge when your motorcade drives through London or mayor Ken Livingstone will hit you with a £40 fine for every car.
You will not notice this as we can afford it.
10, WE put milk in our tea, not ice, have toast not waffles for breakfast and walk on the pavement not the sidewalk.
(shrugs) We are two peoples seperated by a common language.
Have a nice day...not!
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(like the Brits BTW.....lived in Bristol, Swansea, Liverpool and london for 4 years.) |
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