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404 · 09-24-2003, 08:04 AM

[A village. Sound of chanting of Latin canon, punctuated by short, sharp cracks. It comes nearer. We see it is a line of MONKS ala SEVENTH SEAL flagellation scene, chanting and banging themselves on the foreheads with wooden boards. They pass a group of villagers who are dragging a beautiful YOUNG WOMAN dressed as a witch through the streets. They drag her to a strange house/ruin standing on a hill outside the village. A strange-looking knight stands outside, SIR BEDEVERE.]

FIRST VILLAGER: We have found a witch. May we burn her?

ALL VILLAGERS: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her!

BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?

FIRST VILLAGER: She looks like one!

ALL VILLAGERS: Yeah! Yeah! Burn her! Yeah!

BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.

[They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON) dressed up as a witch.]

WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.

BEDEVERE: Uh, but you are dressed as one.

WITCH: They dressed me up like this.

ALL VILLAGERS: We didn't, we didn't!

WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.

[BEDEVERE takes her nose off.]

BEDEVERE: Well?

FIRST VILLAGER: ... Well, we did do the nose.

BEDEVERE: The nose?

FIRST VILLAGER: And the hat. But she is a witch.

ALL VILLAGERS: Yeah! We burn her! Yeah! Burn her!

BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?

FIRST VILLAGER: No! No! No! No! No!... Yes .. Yes ... A bit. A bit. She has got a wart!

BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?

SECOND VILLAGER: Well, she turned me into a newt!

BEDEVERE: [after a pause] A newt?

[Others stare and look at SECOND VILLAGER, who is plainly a human, not a newt.]

SECOND VILLAGER: [Notices the stares. After a pause:] I got better.

ALL VILLAGERS: Burn her anyway! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her!

BEDEVERE: Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.

[ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest]

ALL VILLAGERS: Are there? There are? What are they? Tell us! Do they hurt?

BEDEVERE: Tell me ... What do you do with witches?

ALL VILLAGERS: Burn them! Burn them! Burn them up!

BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?

FIRST VILLAGER: More witches!

SECOND VILLAGER: Sh!

THIRD VILLAGER: Wood!

BEDEVERE: So why do witches burn?

FOURTH VILLAGER: [pianissimo] ... Because they're made of wood...?

BEDEVERE: Good.

[PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.]

ALL VILLAGERS: Oh! Oh yeah!

BEDEVERE: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?

FIRST VILLAGER: Build a bridge out of her!

BEDEVERE: Ah ... but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

ALL VILLAGERS: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Uhh...

BEDEVERE: Uh, does wood sink in water?

ALL VILLAGERS: No! No! No! It floats! It floats! Throw her into the pond! The pond!

BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?

ALL VILLAGERS: ... Bread! ...Apples! ... Uh, very small rocks! Cider! Gra- Gravy! Cherries! Mud! Churches! Churches! Lead! Lead!

ARTHUR: A duck!

[They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.]

BEDEVERE: Exactly. So... logically ...

FIRST VILLAGER: [beginning to pick up the thread] If... she ... weighs.. the same.. as a duck ... she's made of wood.

BEDEVERE: And therefore?

ALL VILLAGERS: A witch! A witch! A witch!

09-24-2003, 08:04 AM
404 Confirmed abUser Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage Posts: 1,154	[A village. Sound of chanting of Latin canon, punctuated by short, sharp cracks. It comes nearer. We see it is a line of MONKS ala SEVENTH SEAL flagellation scene, chanting and banging themselves on the foreheads with wooden boards. They pass a group of villagers who are dragging a beautiful YOUNG WOMAN dressed as a witch through the streets. They drag her to a strange house/ruin standing on a hill outside the village. A strange-looking knight stands outside, SIR BEDEVERE.] FIRST VILLAGER: We have found a witch. May we burn her? ALL VILLAGERS: Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch? FIRST VILLAGER: She looks like one! ALL VILLAGERS: Yeah! Yeah! Burn her! Yeah! BEDEVERE: Bring her forward. [They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON) dressed up as a witch.] WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch. BEDEVERE: Uh, but you are dressed as one. WITCH: They dressed me up like this. ALL VILLAGERS: We didn't, we didn't! WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one. [BEDEVERE takes her nose off.] BEDEVERE: Well? FIRST VILLAGER: ... Well, we did do the nose. BEDEVERE: The nose? FIRST VILLAGER: And the hat. But she is a witch. ALL VILLAGERS: Yeah! We burn her! Yeah! Burn her! BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this? FIRST VILLAGER: No! No! No! No! No!... Yes .. Yes ... A bit. A bit. She has got a wart! BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch? SECOND VILLAGER: Well, she turned me into a newt! BEDEVERE: [after a pause] A newt? [Others stare and look at SECOND VILLAGER, who is plainly a human, not a newt.] SECOND VILLAGER: [Notices the stares. After a pause:] I got better. ALL VILLAGERS: Burn her anyway! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! BEDEVERE: Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. [ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest] ALL VILLAGERS: Are there? There are? What are they? Tell us! Do they hurt? BEDEVERE: Tell me ... What do you do with witches? ALL VILLAGERS: Burn them! Burn them! Burn them up! BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches? FIRST VILLAGER: More witches! SECOND VILLAGER: Sh! THIRD VILLAGER: Wood! BEDEVERE: So why do witches burn? FOURTH VILLAGER: [pianissimo] ... Because they're made of wood...? BEDEVERE: Good. [PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.] ALL VILLAGERS: Oh! Oh yeah! BEDEVERE: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood? FIRST VILLAGER: Build a bridge out of her! BEDEVERE: Ah ... but can you not also make bridges out of stone? ALL VILLAGERS: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Uhh... BEDEVERE: Uh, does wood sink in water? ALL VILLAGERS: No! No! No! It floats! It floats! Throw her into the pond! The pond! BEDEVERE: What also floats in water? ALL VILLAGERS: ... Bread! ...Apples! ... Uh, very small rocks! Cider! Gra- Gravy! Cherries! Mud! Churches! Churches! Lead! Lead! ARTHUR: A duck! [They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.] BEDEVERE: Exactly. So... logically ... FIRST VILLAGER: [beginning to pick up the thread] If... she ... weighs.. the same.. as a duck ... she's made of wood. BEDEVERE: And therefore? ALL VILLAGERS: A witch! A witch! A witch! __________________ (b] cheap hmtl programer for hire (/b)