So I tried actually using the toilet like everyone says I am supposed to do for a change. I sat down, and of course I have to spread my ass cheeks apart as I sit, because otherwise the poo cant find its way into the toilet. (Fat Guy Issues #1)
I did what I had to do, and I was getting up to wipe, as I cant physically do it sat down (Fat Guy Issues #2) but I lost my balance and sat back down. The folds of flab that were either side of the toilet seat, kinda squashed under it, and pulled themselves really far apart...
Now my anus is ripped and bleeding. Last time I use the toilet for sure - Hope my nurses get here soon - I can't actually see how bad it is - Just all the blood... I can't even reach the phone around to take a pic either...
#FML...