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Bad news for Depp. The HUAC was never abolished. It was actually chemically etched on a rubber sheet and implanted in a selected body cavity of the attorney general. Upon Depp's return he is to be secretly transferred as an enemy combatant to an undisclosed location known only for bad smelling beaches and proximity to Cuba. There it is rumored equipment siezed as evidence of mass destruction, in particular an apparatus effective in electrifying testicles of nonamericans and unamericans, will be deployed to disclose for once and for all the unpatriotic mailase and bad casting typlifying modern celluloid. In conjunction with a crackdown on the offensive 'butt-pirate' venue of VHS tapes crossing the border of Kentucky/Tennessee border, the general vows that at least 10 minutes can be removed from an average soap serial, leaving more time for commercial endorsements.
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