Sorry to hear about your loss
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I'm kinda in the same boat - drink what I want when I want if my work and responsibilities are done. And same as you, I don't even touch anything more than alcohol and I don't even like weed (though I know weed is less damaging).
Sucks. From what I gather it's a spiral you just can't shake. Just like the simple habit of daily drinking. Only the other stuff gets you by surprise and alcohol is a slow process.