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I tried to stab someone with a broken bottle because I lost my cigarettes somewhere, pissed in someone's drink when they went to the bathroom then gathered a crowd of people to watch her sip it when she returned, set someone's lazy boy on fire and threw it on the beer pong table, talked on the phone with my girlfriend while my old exgirlfriend was sucking my dick, and I've masturbated at every job I've ever worked at.
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