I have lived in the states for 4 years. As a German I was raised with the awareness of the holocaust so I don't consider myself a racist at all. I hung out with Black's as well as Asians and Whites. It does not make a tad of difference for me as I judge each person by there actions and attitudes rather than skin color. An asshole is always an asshole wether white, black or what ever skin tone they have.
Unfortunately when you come to a society unbiased you notice how people treat each other a lot better.
Here some example. I played basketball at the neighborhood court mostly with African Americans and after they got to know me and we played together for a couple of month I could come to them and say: 'What's up niggas' without a problem at all. They know I respected them and basically this is where the problem is. RESPECT. I am very sure that your wife has all the respect for you so she can call you Nigga whenever she wants and it does not hurt you at all. However I am sure your mother would not approve the Nigga calling with your friends also because she probably recalls the 50's and the 60's where they were huge problems between whites and blacks. Therefore she simply dislikes the term as she thinks it shows the lack of Respect that a wife should have for her husband and vice versa.
So I think the questions cannot be answered straight with yes its ok or no its not ok. It is all about the situation and the place where to use it. So if you want to make sure you might be better off not using Nigga at all.
Just my
