This was the original speech PM Blair intended to give yesterday but it was revised.
PM Blair Speech
"America must act as a strong beacon of liberty and freedom throughout the world. But how the hell are you going to do that if you just sit on your asses all the time watching stupid reality dating programs? God, Americans are fat and disgusting! Europe holds you in contempt for good reason."
"Even if we were wrong about Saddam Hussein's possession of weapons of mass destruction--and boy oh boy, were we wrong--it doesn't matter, because we blew some things up and we'll do it again, too. If liberty without death is a vice, then give me virtue."
"Unlike the challenges of the 20th century, which the world did such a great job with, we now face an enemy so unfamiliar, it doesn't wear underwear. It subsists solely on bread and hides in shadows. Its dark tentacles tickle even the sturdiest belly. While I realize my metaphors are going nowhere, we still must stop this enemy before it kills again. We should do whatever is required, without any sense of international ethics, to prevent all hypothetical situations from ocurrring."
"As the first leader of my party, Kier Hardie, once said, you can't walk ten feet in Africa without hitting a darkie with a stick. What I mean to say is, no one on this podium really gives a shit that American soldiers are dying in Iraq."
"We have combined untrustworthy foreign policy analysis emanating from the tiny offices of extremely shady businessmen, mixed it with bravado cowboy bluster, and legitimized it with my naive Woodrow-Wilson-meets-Jesus idealism. As a result, Iraq is kind of free, and we've got a great line on fresh oil. If we'd been truthful, patient, and cooperative with other nations, while still achieving the same basic goal, would history have judged us well? Nah."
"Oh, America, I want to feel your thick, hard cock in my mouth. I want you to spurt your juice of freedom into the back of my throat. America, I am with you. Bequeath to the world the ancient light of liberty! Come for me, America! If our spirit is right and our courage is firm, the world will be with us. Yess! I am with you, baby, all the way! Oh, yes, America, my funky civilized love monkey! I'm free, free, free! America, America, yessssssssss!"