Gentlemen, please do not do that to your dicks. Trust me, if we ladies wanted to be fucking Coke cans, we would be.
Welcome PuppyGrrrl!
Check out Tom's Newbie Booster (the articles and tutorials section) for how to build and what software to use, AmateursGuide.com for help from other non-pros who shoot their own stuff (and usually *are* the content so they know both angles), Net*Pond's threaded Newbie board for Sleazybear to help fix up your sites after you've made 'em, Xbiz for Stephen's articles about what's going on in the industry... and all of the folks at those boards are good people to get to know. They'll treat you right.
You can find links to all of those boards at
www.AllOfEm.com (and tons of other resources as well as a board scanner where you can search a shitload of boards for certain terms/keywords).
Now gofuckyourself!
