I remember a (genuine one - not that yours isn't) that was published in the UK fucking years ago... It read along these lines...
Quote:
Dear Just Seventeen... I have a problem with my father. He wont stop masterbating! He does it all the time! When he comes in from work, his hand is 'Down there'
When hes sat watching TV with us all, his hand drifts 'Down There'...
I'm embarrassed to invite friends round, as his hand is down there at least once a night! Even at the dinner table ! How can I get him to stop?
Lucy - Age 12
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REPLY:
Quote:
He isn't 'Masturbating' He is just 'adjusting himself' in order to be comfortable in his clothes, in his own house - Seriously - Don't worry about it 
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Fair enough, but when I get the vision of some dude sat at the family dinner table, and the wife is saying 'Could you pass the peas please? and the father father is at the end of the table, furiously beating himself off, to the point of making the table table shake, accompanied by the obligatory groans along the lines of 'Oh YEAH! Fuck Year ! Ohhhh Babbyyy' etc....
Still brings a smile to my face nearly 20+ years later
