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finger and/or rimjob yeah, been there, do that, with girls. Like you say, it's only gay if a bloke does it - gays suck each other, but putting my dick in a woman's mouth doesn't make me any more gay than letting a bird stick a finger up my arse while she's sucking my cock.
Dildo/strapon would be a no-no though, too symbolic/submissive for my personal taste, but don't think any less of blokes who enjoy that with their women.
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