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dude, let me help you out.
1) go drive your car off a cliff hundreds of miles away. leave NOW
2) hitch hike in the opposite direction at least 2x the amount you traveled to the cliff to ditch your car
3) 15 minutes into your trip, make the drive stop. get out and throw your wallet out on the OTHER side of the road. take out any money and only leave in credit cards but take the ID
4) arrive at your new destination and look for the most shaddy motel you can find.
5) this part is key... you want to look for the "fall guy" so look for someone who has been staying at the motel and looks like a drug addict, ideally the same race as you.
6) go buy a pizza and rope. now go to the drug addicts door, knock hard and then when he opens, punch him square in the neck. this will cause him to stop breathing for a bit and make sure to knock him to the ground. tie him to whatever you can find.
7) now take the rope and give yourself rope burns on your hands and feet. get some paper and write down the names of your relatives and family members. then cross them out and write small $$ amounts next to each.
8) smash some of the furniture around then call the police. tell them you've been kidnapped and taken to some weird place. tell the cops someone stole your ID, car and wallet and was going to your house to try and find money.
9) last, take the ID and put it in the addicts mouth to get DNA and slobber all over it. now put the ID in HIS/HER pocket and sit outside. put soap in your eyes to help the crying and make sure to emphasis that you were "touched."
10) tell them you were kidnapped hours before when you got pulled over. cops are stupid and not want to admit they made a mistake, but rather go along with your lie so they don't get in trouble
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