So my wife and my 4 month old son left for Durbin, South Africa, to visit her family, on Jan 8th. I had to stay here in Miami because I had some big meetings that I couldn't miss. I won't be joining them until Jan 30th, and then we will have two weeks together (I have a couple of bank meetings in South Africa also, but still we will at least be together...), and then we come back together on Feb 14th.
The confession is this... I miss my son so much it's killing me. Obviously I miss Vino (my wife), very very much, but the pain of missing my son, Akiva, is like nothing I've ever felt before. It's just amazing how much space a baby takes up in your life. They take up physical space with all the baby stuff, they take up mental space with all the things you have to think about every time you go somewhere or do something, and they take up space emotionally in a way that I could never imagine before.
I find myself wandering around the house sometimes, and it's just so damn quiet! I've had to put all of his stuff back into his room so I wouldn't have to look at it. I find myself thinking about him all the damn time.
When we get on skype, he looks at me, and hears my voice, and starts smiling and gurgling at me, and I'm smiling back, and talking to him. Then after a couple of minutes he is expecting me to pick him up, and of course I can't. So he starts to fuss and cry, and I really want to pick him up and soothe him, but of course I'm 8000 miles away.... It actually makes my chest hurt, not being able to hold him.
I've gotten to the point where I don't even want to see him on skype, it just makes it worse.
I'm a total guppy as far as he is concerned. It's just ridiculous. Obviously I miss my wife alot, it's three weeks apart (longest ever for us), but somehow it's different, since she is a fully functioning adult able to take care of herself... He is just this helpless little guy that only just learned how to roll over last week and won't be crawling for another month.
