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Here's an email that I sent to some friends in 2005. True story.
> > I was at a bar with a friend and this rather
> > unattractive, fairly meaty girl was staring at
> me
> > as I tried to drink my cocktail and catch up
> with
> > an old friend from college. She waved at me to come
> over
> > and I politely declined. Moments later, she came
> > over to my table and began mumbling something
> about
> > wanting to visit Timbuktu in Mali. Seth and I were
> > soon then making fun of her for one reason or another and then she jumped out of
> her chair and
> > attacked me. She tried to choke me and knock me
> out
> > of my chair, but my Ninja like reflexes saved me
> > from harm.
> >
> > She then sat back down and tried to act like
> nothing
> > happened. It was really bizarre. She then got up
> and started
> > kissing me. Her breath was horrible. I pulled away
> > and she sat back down and reached over to rub my
> > schlong. I was really tiring of her act by that point,
> so I
> > said "If you blow my friend in the bathroom, you
> can
> > rub me all you want" I said this with the hope
> that
> > she would blow him and then I'd leave and never
> have
> > to see her again. Seth was thinking "Double Team"
> > the entire time. He's always been a sick fuck.
> > So, at Seth's encouragement, we leave the bar,
> > Timbuktu in tow, and catch a cab back to our
> friend Ryan's
> > apartment. She undoes my pants and starts blowing me
> in
> > the back seat. She was decent. And then I noticed
> > the worst smell I have ever smelled in my life. I
> > looked over and Seth was fingering her and had
> this
> > look of bewilderment on his face. The squishy
> sounds
> > of his finger going in and out of her dank, wet
> > pussy released a smell I would not wish upon my
> > worst enemy. I went soft shortly thereafter and
> the
> > cab driver rolled down the windows. It was that
> bad.
> > Seth was laughing. Loudly. This girl had no shame.
> >
> > We get back to Ryan's and the girl let out a
> > laugh of sorts. Ryan had to work the next day and
> he
> > flipped out on her "You fat bitch. Out of all the
> > guys that you could pick up to double team you
> and
> > high five each other, why do you have to pick the
> > ones that are staying at my apartment when I have
> to
> > get up early in the morning. Get the fuck out. " He's gay
> > and can be a little bitch like that sometimes.
> > Luckily, I had anticipated Ryan's reaction,
> so I
> > was hearing all of this from the balcony while
> > smoking a cigarette. I go back inside and see
> that
> > Seth and Timbuktu had gone to take a dip in the
> pool
> > and was told by Ryan that if I left the apartment, I would be
> locked
> > out. So, I had to stay so I would be able to let Seth back in
> when
> > he was done. He gets back about 30 minutes later.
> > "Hey dude, she's out at the pool, she wants some
> > more" 'Uh, no thanks. I'll pass". He then went back out.
> >
> > I'm really glad that I was relatively sober
> that
> > night, or else my dick would still smell.
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