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You probably aren't going to find exactly what you want in an off the shelf package. We spent a couple of months researching dating software and it seemed like it was either utter crap or way over priced. We ended up deciding to build our own. We moved one of our programmers on the dating project full time and hired another to assist him. Programming wise it took about 3 months for two full time programmers to build the core of the profile, messaging and matching systems. It will probably take another month or two to build a tracking/analysis system, integrate the graphical elements, and fine tune the results. When we factor in the research time and input by other members of our company (grapic designers, sys admins, etc.) we're looking at having spent about 12 man-months on the project.
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"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
--H.L. Mencken
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