Quote:
Originally Posted by damnage
Nice to see some trust there. 
I still believe in marriage. I look at my parents as role-models. They have been married for 30+ years, have had quite a few children and are still together, and more importantly are still happy. Everyone has their ups and downs, it seems to me a case of working through them. |
Thats great that things have worked out for you and yours. Glad to see a happy ending with your story.
But we in the US, have a 90% divorce rate. I bet that 100% of this 90% of divorced people really trusted each other at one time. I will also guarantee that all of these people thought that their situation was special and that they were all truly in love and love will conquer all. Is there that many stupid people out there? Really??
I hate to say it, but you need to treat marriage as a business arrangement with a serious look at the contracts before signing up.
I am a firm believer of planning for the worst and hope for the best.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric
Dave,
Money is great, putting a roof over a head is great, and making sure there is food on the table is great. But doing all that and missing out on the basics of a childs life is SHIT.
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Agreed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric
I once had a conversation with my dad, I simply told him that my sister and I didn't care about money, we just wanted him to be there when it mattered. Soccer game, Hockey game, Theater project, etc.
Women give unconditionally to their child and will sacrifice time and selfish thoughts, to be their when the above things happen, because they look at the child as being first. Men look at being the provider as their number one goal.
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So right on so many levels.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric
In the end a child doesn't care about anything more than a mom and dad being their when shit matters most to the child. They don't care about fancy houses, cars, meals, etc. They want mommy and daddy to be their and spend time with them.
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So right once again.
This thread hits home for me on a few levels. I dont want to be that deuchbag dad and yet i want to be the good provider. Its a very fine line.
I made my above post at about 2am. Had more to say but was very tired.
I have made a few mistakes being a father. Luckily i realized what they were and how to remedy them very early on. My mistakes really hit home when my son was born 3 weeks ago.
I had to cancel all of my work and take care of my 2 1/2 year old daughter for 6 days strait. This is when i found out how much i really did not know about being a good dad and how good of a mother my girlfriend really is.
Man this was a real eye opener. Things have forever changed after those six days. Fortunately for me, i saw the error of my ways just prior to that event. Those days tested my daddy skills and really clarified what is really important and what is not. Seems that proper balance between being an active dad and being a provider is the key.
I now make time for my daughter in many different ways. My girlfriend is awesome at planning things for us to do as a family and when i am busy or slipping up, she kindly points out when and what i need to do, to be that better father. And that is never an argument or disagreement. I have learned that a good family is team work.
As for fighting with my girlfriend, we actually never fight. one fight in 4 years isnt bad. We get along great and share the same jagged sense of humor and have the same interests. I love her and all she has done as a mate and as a mother. Furthermore, I trust and agree with all of her parenting choices and child guidance directions. Why fuck it all up with marriage?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric
I have personally chosen to not get married and not have kids. I believe marriage is a flawed institution that has become a hallmark holiday. Watching people spend 10's of 1000's or 100's of 1000's of dollars on weddings has become completely insane. I am happy to say that I am with a woman now that I completely believe I am meant to be with, but we do not need court or state papers to tell us that.
With our relationship comes compromise, within the boundries of who each of us individually are, and understanding that we are who we are, but that we also have to understand that we are a working unit makes everything different. I still retain exactly who I am, but at the same time neither of us make decisions based on us being individual units, but yet decisions based upon us being a working partnership with goals aimed in the same direction.
Communication is key to all of the above. WIth out communication and unbiased listening, things, in my opinion, can fall apart quickly. A relationship is a partnership and should be treated as such. You won't always agree 100%, but in the end make sure both people are working as hard as possible toward the same goals, and you will alway come out ahead.
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I 100% Agree with you. I feel that not having a marriage keeps everything on the level with nothing in the background affecting the current disagreement or arguments outcome.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rowan
Check the laws in your area regarding defacto relationships - if you've been living together (and have a kid) then in the event of a split you may be considered to be effectively married anyway...
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Way ahead of you on that. I know what common law marriage is and i know the rules governing my particular situation.
The end of my 1st year of law school contracts class, is when i read the "the Maglite case" it is what seriously hit home for me. This case was about a 20 year relationship, with out marriage, that ended with the girlfriend getting half his shit when they broke up. This set the president for "Palimony". I know all the ends and outs of this case and others like it.
Not worried.