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I think its fucked up AND cheating if its a secret. If she tells you and you say its ok, then no harm done. She sounds like she is an untrustworthy and bitter woman from what you have said... So idk the situation but in the long run she is probably better as your ex I would think.
If my gf/wife/ex had been with girls while we were together over a long period like that and didn't tell me id leave her in 2 seconds... although if she asked me about it I would totally support her in finding her pussy, with or without me. Nor would I be mad if she was like sooooo last night i fucked a girl lol I would say "cool, when are you going to do it again?" haha
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Go Fuck Yourself! 
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