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As a perpetually single woman, I often find myself sleepless in my big, empty bed, gazing at the ceiling of my lonley room, wishing I had a man with whom to share my slumber. Thanks to "Henry Hugme," (pronounced "Hume" - sounds French!), as I like to call him, I no longer feel the need to drape myself over slightly-inebriated loners at the local bar. Instead I can come home to Henry and snuggle myself up in his manly embrace. My only complaint is this doesn't double as certain lady's pleasure toy - am I right ladies?!
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Jesus christ. No woman in her right mind would write that, no matter how sad and lonely they are.