When I was in the Navy, one of my buddies pulled a prank by putting a tampon in another guy's Bloody Mary when he went to the bathroom. He hid it behind the celery stalk, so that he didn't notice it right away. It was an unused tampon, but still the dude freaked when he saw it and dropped his glass. We were all laughing our asses off until we had to clean the carpet mess...
Anyway, there are some cocktails worse than a Bloody Mary - such as:
The Doctor Atkins
4 ounces vodka
1 (1/2-inch) cube of Spam
1 uncooked piece of bacon, for garnish
Red caviar, for garnish
Pour vodka into a martini glass and place the Spam cube in it. Garnish with bacon and caviar.
No carbs here. The delightful snap of Spam helps offset the salty chewiness of the bacon. The 4 ounces of vodka help you forget that you decided to order a meat-based drink.
Salmon Colada
3 ounces light rum
2 cups crushed ice
3 tablespoons pineapple juice
3 tablespoons coconut milk
1 ounce fresh Atlantic salmon
Salmon head, for garnish
Blend all ingredients and garnish with a salmon head.
If anyone at the party starts talking about the importance of Omega-3 fatty acids, merely gesture at your drink and say, ?Eh? Eh? That enough for ya??
Later in the evening, give your salmon head a name and have it deliver monologues on the commercialization of independent cinema.
ADG