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Here's my list, in case I have to go and need to demonstrate my inability to render a fair and impartial judgment. I'll wait until the judge calls me to the bench to discuss my situation before I blurt any of these out, so the other commoners won't steal my material.....
I can tell if people are guilty by looking at them.
I'm attracted to you, your honor.
If a police officer told me I was a bug, I would believe him.
Is it murder if I haven't been caught?
My religion prohibits me from sitting near other people.
Would I have to bathe?
Can each of my personalities vote in deliberations?
Laws are for sissies.
Your marshall's handcuffs are turning me on.
I'm allergic to justice.
I'm deaf. (Answer questions thereafter by cupping hand and shouting "What?")
A pit bull named [defendant's first name] just killed my baby.
I have Tourette's Syndrome, you fucking asshole.
I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.
Have you ever done this, your honor? (Chop off your ear with a razor).
An eye for an eye? I say we take his head for an eye! (Point at defendant).
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