hopefully, as you put more years of sobriety under your belt, you will evolve to simply living life and not fighting demons from your past on a daily basis.
i recommend you to read the big book of aa. it's a quick read and can give you some great insight, since you are doing this alone.
bill w., the author, had many of the same views/traits as you.
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/