I looked at ning but the site doesn't have any info, you have to sign up and start building I guess to learn anything about it. I'll have to check out buddypress.org.
I looked at socialgo.com and it looked like it had the features I need but not sure how long it will be around.
I already have a site running on Dolphin on my own servers and it sort of sucks. I came across this
http://www.socialengine.net/ so might give it a try.
Fartfly, I missed you on ICQ, I'll try you later.