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1. We have not seen much load on the CPU at all - PHP seems to run very well with almost no CPU or RAM requirements since the 2.7 Wordpress has caching of all thumbnails. If you are concerned about performance you can also install a PHP optimizing method like Zend or other.
2. The Flash player is just a simple default one. You can install one you may like better. We recommend JW Player which can be skinned and works with streaming.
4. The Tour and Member theme can be modified easily in the admin or via ftp. If you understand html and basic PHP you should have no issues changing it quickly. Also some knowledge of CSS is good.
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