I have found many ways... but there are the nest ones:
Method 1
1 ) Go to your local church / congregation during the church day when its all full.
2 ) Say loud that the devil is conspirating against you and your site
www.lots-of-sex.com doesn't get enough visits, so all the wankers around the world will turn into zombies.
3 ) Profit
Method 2
1 ) Call the suicider service phone or whatever it is in your area.
2 ) Tell them you will suicide if they don't signup to your site.
3 ) Profit
Method 3
1 ) Prepare a superliminal slogan to your site.
2 ) Hire someone that goes around with a wan and yells your slogan on the streets all day long. Something like "I wanna wank into your junk.con all day long! Signup to wank-into-your-junk.com!"
3 ) Profit
Method 4
1 ) Hire an "expert" like you.
2 ) No profit.