My friends, G
Fuck Yourself.
I'm fucking tired of this shit. HTML, PHP, MySQL, PhotoShop, SUPER, TGP's, MPG's, META TAGS, META COMMANDS....the list just keeps going.
I am so tired. 1 sale, 2 sales, 10 sales a day....... what does it really matter? Does money really mean a fuck to you? Can you put a price on sanity and happiness? Whats yours?
I wish I has a simple solution. A way to just drop everything and pick up where I left off in my life.
I'm not happy anymore. I dont enjoy things like I use to anymore. Fuck the internet, fuck porn, mainstream......you name it, just fuck it. I use to be a person who cared so much more about so many things. I would wake up and be excited that another day was here, another oppertunity to do something great, or at least something that made me happy.
In all ways, I am lacking the things that make life beautiful. In every way I avoid the truth about my life.
i'm divorced and I'll tell anyone who will listen that i'm better off. Thats a lie. I'm fucking heartbroken, have been since the day we said good bye. It dosent matter that i've taken every oppertunity afforded to me to inconvenience her if she needs something. I'm still very hurt, very heartbroken, and very alone.
I live alone now, from time to time my friend stops over to see that i'm ok, maybe she needs laid, maybe me, depends on the day. The fact is there is no happiness in that. When I really need someone, I really have no one.
i'm a small business owner, irl. I run a construction company. Between the market and the stress of dealing with homeowners who want something for nothing and keeping all my guys on the payroll so they can feed thier familys, I'm running not only thin, but i'm just in the fucking red for this year. After having the business taxes done this year, I have no choice but to get rid of at least two good workers or sell out to my partners, take a loss, and leave them with a mess that they could never fix.
I quit believing in god long ago. I'm sure anyone who's been around 30 years and had my experience would also. I must have also quit believing in myself.
I turn 31 in May. The day will come, and it will pass. I will still be Jason. Just older.
There really is no point to this. It's not an internet suicide note. I'm not looking for help, I really dont think that there is anything I or anyone can do. Not posting my GFY pass and saying fuck it, i'm sure i'll be back. sooner then later, knowing me. Not selling off my sites or content that i've been shooting. I'm just venting, wishing that a good idea would come along.
I'm just fucking tired.......I really dont know what to do anymore, nothing is ever enough.
Later everyone. Thanks for all the help you've given me in the past. Those of you I have worked with, thanks for the cool experiences. Never got scammed, never a complaint. Dont know what I'm going to do now. Dosen't matter either. I'll be back soon, or not.
I'm here until the green light goes out. A smoke and a shot, maybe two. I wish you all luck.