Originally Posted by 530media

HEY GUYS! VINCE HERE WITH THE NEW HOOKER-SLAPPERTM! YOU'RE GUNNA LOVE THIS!

Now, you know when you pay a thousand dollars for a prostitute and then the bitch bites your tongue? Yeah, I hate that! Well now with the new HOOKER-SLAPPERTM you can solve your problems. She bites your tongue? SLAP! And the bitch comes right off!

You know you hate it when bitches try and fuck you over, YOU KNOW YOU DO! Well now the HOOKER-SLAPPERTM does all the work for you!

And it's not just for that, say she pulls a weapon on you? SLAP! No she doesn't. You catch her stealing your wallet? SLAP! She refuses to swallow? SLAP! You just don't like the way her tears remind you of that terrible thing you did back when you were a teenager that forever haunts you? SLAP! It's easy! It's simple! It's the HOOKER-SLAPPERTM!

You don't wanna use it on hookers? Well it works on your wife, too! Your wife! Your ex-wife! Your girlfriend! Your fiancée! Your mistress! Your sister! Your mother! Even your gay brother! There is nothing the HOOKER-SLAPPERTM won't slap! It's made in Germany and you know the Germans are violent bastards.

It's easy, you just apply the HOOKER-SLAPPERTM to the face of whoever you want to slap, and BAM, the reinforced titanium counterweight slams down with pneumatic force. All you gotta do is press this button, it's easy! It has several settings. Say you just want to warn her you're not going to take any of her shit? Set it to Low - SLAP, bitch better take that warning. Maybe she's not doing what you paid her to do? Set it to medium - SLAP! Yeah now she will. Or maybe like I said earlier the bitch has your tongue in her teeth, you need to get her the fuck off, set it to high - SLAP. And you're done! HOOKER-SLAPPERTM It's great!

And you can use it more than once! She doesn't take the hint the first time? TWO SLAPS! THREE SLAPS! Jesus shit, just go crazy and close your eyes and pretend she's your mother. FOUR SLAPS! FIVE! SIX! She won't know what hit her! Except she will! It's the new HOOKER SLAPPERTM! and I'm going to say its name every few seconds just so you buy this shit.

CALL NOW! And take this GREAT OFFER you get the WIFE-BEATERTM absolutley free! The WIFE-BEATERTM tells her to do what you want her to do. It's simple! Its effective,! And it doesn't let her know that you've been beating the shit outta hookers!

CALL NOW 1-800-951-7713 - FOR JUST $19.95 YOU GET THE HOOKER-SLAPPERTM AND THE WIFE-BEATERTM! NOT IN STORES! TEN YEAR WARRANTY! THIS OFFER ISN'T GOING TO STAY ALL DAY! $19.95 - CALL NOW 1-800-951-7713. BEWARE OF IMITATORS!