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421Fill · 03-12-2009, 11:39 PM

One day, I'm driving along in my new truck and all of a sudden, like a kick in the nuts, I gotta shit. Badly. I start thinking of where I can stop and realize the closest place is like a mile away.

Fuck.

Finally, after 2 red lights and an abundance of sunday drivers (nope, wasn't even on a sunday), I pull into the Carl's Jr. parking lot.

I run towards the door... but, I'm not really running, cuz then I wouldn't be able to clench my ass cheeks to hold back the eruption that was imminent... I was more or less waddling like The Penguin.

"I'm gonna make it... I'm gonna make it..." I chant to myself as i go thru the main door and make a beeline to the men's room.

Someone is walking out as I walk towards the restroom, and I think to myself, "awesome... perfect timing!"

I'm undoing my belt buckle before I even get to the door, walk in and start to unzip while the door is still swinging shut.

And I shit! 4 feet from the fucking toilet! what the mother fuck?!

I turn and lock the door, only to feel the liquid shit running down my legs.

Jeezus jumping mary and joseph! I can't believe it!

I panic, start to take off my shoes and pants and boxers, and think," ok, I'll just call someone to bring me some pants and I'll just sit in here as long as it takes..."

Nope. left my cellphone in the truck!. Fuck!

It gets worse.

I was wearing khaki pants.

I clean up as best as I can, put my shitty pants back on... leave the boxers in the trash and brace myself for the run back to my truck to get home and shower like I'd just been raped.

I cannot even begin to describe just how long that 30 second run to the truck felt like it took.

Passenger door is closest to me.. I unlock it, grab the newspaper that I was reading at lunch.... the lunch that probably caused this fiasco... throw the papers on the drivers seat, and start to crawl in.

Yank the door closed behind me and the fucking door panel comes away from the door and it doesn't close all the way. fuck!!!

I drove home with the fucking 'door is ajar' lite staring at me the whole way... wearing shitty khaki's and mumbling something about..."why me???"

true story. just thought I'd share.

03-12-2009, 11:39 PM
421Fill Super Mario Industry Role: Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Swenson's Avatar Posts: 20,071	One day, I'm driving along in my new truck and all of a sudden, like a kick in the nuts, I gotta shit. Badly. I start thinking of where I can stop and realize the closest place is like a mile away. Fuck. Finally, after 2 red lights and an abundance of sunday drivers (nope, wasn't even on a sunday), I pull into the Carl's Jr. parking lot. I run towards the door... but, I'm not really running, cuz then I wouldn't be able to clench my ass cheeks to hold back the eruption that was imminent... I was more or less waddling like The Penguin. "I'm gonna make it... I'm gonna make it..." I chant to myself as i go thru the main door and make a beeline to the men's room. Someone is walking out as I walk towards the restroom, and I think to myself, "awesome... perfect timing!" I'm undoing my belt buckle before I even get to the door, walk in and start to unzip while the door is still swinging shut. And I shit! 4 feet from the fucking toilet! what the mother fuck?! I turn and lock the door, only to feel the liquid shit running down my legs. Jeezus jumping mary and joseph! I can't believe it! I panic, start to take off my shoes and pants and boxers, and think," ok, I'll just call someone to bring me some pants and I'll just sit in here as long as it takes..." Nope. left my cellphone in the truck!. Fuck! It gets worse. I was wearing khaki pants. I clean up as best as I can, put my shitty pants back on... leave the boxers in the trash and brace myself for the run back to my truck to get home and shower like I'd just been raped. I cannot even begin to describe just how long that 30 second run to the truck felt like it took. Passenger door is closest to me.. I unlock it, grab the newspaper that I was reading at lunch.... the lunch that probably caused this fiasco... throw the papers on the drivers seat, and start to crawl in. Yank the door closed behind me and the fucking door panel comes away from the door and it doesn't close all the way. fuck!!! I drove home with the fucking 'door is ajar' lite staring at me the whole way... wearing shitty khaki's and mumbling something about..."why me???" true story. just thought I'd share.