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#1) Corporate Affairs - Submitted by RevBuddyLove.
It was my second or third day on the job at a software development firm in Atlanta. All day long I'm getting emails from my new boss, a very serious mba wannabe middle aged middle management type chick about the current project, and also getting emails from my wife just about stupid everyday shit. Long story shortened: I reply to my wife along these lines (I don't remember exactly what I said, but this is close) :
"Foxy,
Why don't we catch a flick tonight.
Maybe you'll get lucky. Hubba hubba ;)"
As I'm sure you guessed, I had hit reply to the wrong email.
Moments later there came a very terse reply about how her husband would probably not appreciate it and so on.
The shittiest part was that I just sounded like more of a dog when I denied it to her. Yeah right pal, it was meant for your wife, sure.
The office was evry tense for a while.
The end.
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#2) Suicide Solution - Submitted by Hybrid.
I once wrote a very depressing suicide note as a 'concept story' for a site called Themestream. Themestream was a site where writers could submit short stories, and other people could submit comments on your writing/story.
Next day, I had the cops bust into my apartment while I was sleeping. They said they recieved a call from someone on that site that I was going to kill myself.
I was standing there in my boxers pissed as hell as the cop turned her head into the living room and saw my glass bong with a sack sitting right next to it.
The fuckers gave me a ticket right there, and took my shit.
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#3) Mistaken Identity - Submitted by Matty.
17 years old -- driving a honda civic ex 5spd w/ a little work done under the hood.
My friend tells me hes going out to the next town over to pick something up (herb) anyway, i figure, what the hell, im gonna go pick on him on the road... So i wait like down this deserted road on the corner for a while, i was thinking, pull out right in back of him and bug him out kinda thing...
So im sitting there for like 10 minutes, and all of a sudden, i see the jeep w/ the thule roof rack coming down the road... I rip out behind him bangin threw the gears, end up passing him in a crazy furey, hes honking his horn, swerving, you know, playing along. Corner comes up, i must take this corner every day, 3 times a day, im doing 85, start to downshift into 4th, corner comes up i spin out, car does a 180, rear goes into a telephone pole, knocked that over, and smashed the rear of my car up to where i was sitting in the drivers seat... Jeep pulls up behind me as im climbing out my wrecked drivers side window. Out yells, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?"
Definatly wasnt my friend but another driver, man i thought to myslef, WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT!
Then my friend pulls up to the accident scene was like, Dude, what the hell...
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#4) Chokin' on Chicken Shit - Submitted by Choker.
When I was 7 years old I visited my grandpa's farm in South Carolina. He had a chicken farm (go figure). Anyway I was having a good ole time running up and down the walkways inside one of the long chicken coops yelling at the chickens, making them go crazy. It was a sheltered pen with a concrete walkway with chicken pens on both sides above the ground. Well one of those machines that goes along the concrete walkway and scoops up the eggs was coming at me pretty fast. As I could not see the driver, I was sure he could not see me. So I figured my best bet was to run around the machine thru the mud under the chicken pens. After wading thru mud up to my neck I did manage to get around the machine and avoid being flattened. It was not until 30 minutes later that I realized that the mud was not actually mud.
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#5) Porn Peddler - Submitted by Va2k.
I think the most wait the TOP moment was when I got caught selling my dick to phat women for money. My house got raided my picture was in the newspaper * 7 str8 days front page* I was the butt of all jokes on the moring raido stations, In big bold letters on the Front of the paper Couple busted for selling sex ONLINE,
I was on the news fuck even cnn picked it up, Had jerry springer ringing my phone all the talk shows and yea I had to go on montel williams that was the 2nd moment in my life supprisd i didnt fall out on the stage from being so fucked up. yeap that was the worse time.
The raido station fm 99 wnor wanted to go out to mt trashmore in norfolk va and fly a banner to get our sex toys back from the police, have hamburgers hot dogs *in the shape of sex toys* and they were going to name it Mt TomMore/MtTenaya day. It was really fucked up! Had collage kids comming over to sit down and talk to us something for a initiation week *shrugs* Had guys from the strip clubs begging us yes MY phat ass to, to work with them and dance together at their clubs I WOULD say this was the worse time in my life *shrugs*
Now I peddel porn what a life eh?
HEHE
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