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Alien, you and I have gone at it many times over the years. That aside, I don't really think you're a bad guy.
In all seriousness, life is what you make of it. You can't change other people, no matter how hard you try. The only person you can change is yourself.
You're 36. That's 29 more years of career before most people can retire at 65. That's a long time man. Maybe it's time for you to make a clean break all together from porn. Life's too short not to chase your dreams and it won't get any easier later on.
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