kevinale

Part 2

<ol>
<li>Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the
bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No,
I want to watch them suffer."
<li>Change the locks on the door. Don`t let your roommate in unless he/she says
the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can`t
guess the secret word, make him/her pay a fine.
<li>Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud
music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the
party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun
while it lasted."
<li>Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides
your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the
tire swing was your roommate`s idea. When you and your roommate are
alone again, continue acting like a monkey.
<li>Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to the toaster.
Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate`s possessions out the
window. Say that the toaster made you do it.
<li>Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he refuses, claim that you have won
by forfeit and therefore conquered his side of the room. Insist that he
remove all of his possessions immediately.

<li>Sign your roommate up for various activities. (Campus tour guide, etc.)

<li>Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you
are getting in touch with your Native?American roots. If your roommate
accuses you of not having any Native?American roots, claim that he/she
has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.
<li>Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that
your feet hurt.

<li>Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were trying to
kill a mosquito.


<li>Steal something valuable of your roommate`s. If he/she asks about it, tell
him/her that you traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to
your roommate.

<li>Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a
hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost
of light bulbs.

<li>Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and then
stopping. Play the tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops
on the videotape, look at the screen and say, "Don`t do that."

<li>Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it`s a magic lamp, with a genie inside it.
Spend a week thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week,
report that someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame your
roommate.

<li>Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Then
insist you need to show him/her the proper way & brush their teeth.

<li>Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that
looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, "It had to be done."

<li>Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. ("Frank Johnson! Oh, wow!
<li>?4795! Holy cow!")

<li>Shadow box several times a day. One day, walk in looking depressed. If your
roommate asks what`s wrong, explain that your shadow can`t box with you
anymore due to an injury. Ask your roommate if you can box with his/her
shadow.

<li>Ask your roommate about their medical plan. If they ask why you are asking
just say, "Accidents happen." Make it obvious that you are trying to
cover up your laughter.

<li>Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing.
Offer a reward for his/her safe return.

<li>Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate
if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no,
drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say
nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.

<li>Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say, "Don`t
worry. It`s not what you think." If he/she asks about it again,
immediately change the subject.

<li>Tell other people in your building that your roommate is goind to be "going
on a trip" shortly. Don`t tell them where or when. If people ask your
roommate where he/she is going, cut in and say "Oh?that has been
canceled."

<li>Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit your
head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble,
"I`ll get that pesky road runner?."

<li>Leave memos on your roommate`s bed that say things like, "I know what you
did," and "Don`t think you can fool me." Sign them in blood.


<li>Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests,
tell him/her that it`s all for charity.

<li>Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you`d like to have
a conversation.

<li>Talk like a pirate, all the time. Threaten to make your roommate walk the
plank if he/she doesn`t swab the deck.

<li>Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate
walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the
plants. Whisper to them, "We`ll continue this later," while eyeing your
roommate suspiciously.

<li>Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate
through the telescope. When you`re not using the telescope, act like
your roommate is too far away for you to see.

<li>Offer your roommate some of your most valuable possesions. If they ask
about your generosity, say nothing but "I won`t need it where I`m
going." If they take anything wait a week and insist they give it back.
If they want to know why say "I was left behind", and crawl into bed
crying.

<li>Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your
roommate goes to take a shower.

<li>Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome to
McDonalds, can I take your? Oh, it`s just you." Take off the hat, sit,
and pout.

<li>Go through your roommate`s textbooks with a red pen, changing things and
making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that
you just couldn`t take it anymore.

<li>Tell your roommate that you "just want to be friends", and that you can no
longer take their advances. Wait an hour and ask them to join you in
the shower.

<li>Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had good
luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages.
When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe
used to be, hold your head, and mutter, "Stupid horseshoe?."

<li>Buy frozen meals and leave them under a lamp on your desk. If your roommate
warns you that the meals will go bad simply say, "I know what I`m
doing." While your roommate is out empty the meal containers such that
it looks like you`ve eaten them. When your roommate return pretend to
be violently ill. Do this twice a week.

<li>As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous
operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look
around and pretend to be confused.

<li>Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator to
basketball games, and play them in front of your roommate. Do so for
about a month. Confide in your roommate that you think the refrigerator
is plotting against you.

<li>Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much you love
lemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain
about how much you hate lemonade.

<li>Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the good old
days, when we used to?" and make up stories involving you and your
roommate.


<li>Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about half an
hour. Come out looking dazed and act terrified of your roommate,
keeping a good distance.

<li>Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat
peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos
just aren`t what they used to be."

<li>Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there`s going to be
a murder in the room.

<li>Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a band?aid on your forehead,
and refuse to discuss the gun ever again.

<li>Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate you
think the lobster has a marked deck.

<li>Make pancakes every morning, but don`t eat them. Draw faces on them, and
toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day.
Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn`t evolving into
a self?sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think
the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.

<li>While you are ironing, pretend to burn yourself. Start a garbage can fire
in the middle of the room. Toss the iron inside. If your roommate
objects, explain that you are just trying to get even.

<li>Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down the hall.

<li>Hide small containers of milk in your roommate`s half of the room. After
they begin to smell complain to your roommate about the odor. If your
roommate finds them and claim that they aren`t theirs, acknowledge that
you put them there, but tell them "They were on your half of the room.
You should be more responsible."

<li>. Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that they`re for
the Sandman. Take a bite out of one of the cookies while your
roommate is asleep. The next morning, accuse your roommate of having
bitten one of the cookies. If he/she tries to tell you the Sandman
did it, insist that you know what the Sandman`s teeth marks look like
and that those are, in fact, not the Sandman`s teeth marks.

<li>. If your roommate has a pet, offer to feed their pet for them. Start taking bottles of glue and white out from your desk before your roommate can answer.
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