Sharky

2) Keep a list of everything you give to your STBX. Use items on that list as bargaining chips later on.

During the course of your marriage, giving freely to your wife was second nature. You never thought twice about it. Today however, she is something other than your "wife." Nevertheless, she still expects this "arrangement" of giving to continue. Worse yet, court professionals
think this way too. You've gotta be careful.

For example, if you give her "this" today, tomorrow she'll ask for "that." She'll nickle and dime you for every "little thing," one piece at a time. It'll never end. Before you know it, she'll have all your "bargaining chips" and you'll have nothing. BEWARE of this trap. You need to terminate this practice immediately. There's a time for property division. That time isn't
now. NEVER GIVE YOUR STBX ANYTHING!! Stick to your guns.

Remember, bargaining chips are very important. Individually, they may seem insignificant. Collectively however, and when "cashed in" at the right time, they WILL make a difference. If a bargaining chip has value for her, then it CERTAINLY has "value" for you. Never forget that.

Nevertheless, "IF" you must give her anything, make her sign a receipt for it. Think if it as an "advance" in property settlement. Be sure to list the item's "replacement cost." That receipt is now a bona-fide "document." Use it later as a bargaining chip when you divide community property. When the time is right, you can make her pay dearly for all those "little
things" she took in advance.

"Cardinal Rule" No 7....... YOU FILE FIRST!! This is of the utmost importance.

For starters, you are forever the plaintiff and she's the defendant. That's a good thing. You get the opening shot. You design the playing field. You've got the momentum.

1) The secret is:
a) do not relent.
b) Maintain the upper hand.
c) Set the rules of the game.

Remember, there's no guarantee that you'll prevail on every issue. But it's much better than starting the game on her terms.

2) A good lawyer is essential.

3) It's extremely important to you know want and that you are in a position to direct the outcome.

HOWEVER, file ONLY when you've got a solid game plan, and ONLY when you're ready. In other words, you pick the fight, when and where, on your terms. You want "home court advantage."

Surprise is everything. If you catch her off-guard, your STBX will be playing "catch-up" 'til trial, and beyond. THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA!! If you're thoroughly prepared, and follow-through on details, she'll never catch up.

Remember, if you get temporary custody at this stage, and if you've done your homework, and if everything goes according to plan, your chances for permanent custody are virtually assured. All this of course, depends on your attorney, your journal, the thoroughness of your strategy/game plan, and your commitment to active case management. Meanwhile.....

Get complete information on your STBX and children: Full names, aliases, maiden and nick names, other names used; dates and places of birth/death; Social Security numbers; Driver's License numbers; etc.

Get every document you can think of. Leave no stone unturned. Some documents will be difficult, if not impossible to get. If/when you get stuck, move on. Do your research well in advance, BEFORE you separate. If you are thorough, you'll reap huge dividends at trial.

Store ALL documents in a safe deposit box in your name only. These include:

1) Tax returns for the last several years.
2) Marriage license; pre-nuptial agreement.
3) Documents from your STBX's previous marriage/divorce.
4) Birth/death certificates.
5) Passports, green cards, immigration documents.
6) DMV record(s); criminal history.
7) Thorough background check on your STBX. Hire a PI if necessary.
School records; college/high school diploma(s); transcript(s).
9) Medical and life insurance policies; will(s).
10) Deeds; titles; leases; contracts.
11) Bank statements; stocks, bonds and securities.
12) Retirement, pension, IRA, 401K, Keogh.
13) Credit report.
14) Family photos; heirlooms.
15) STASH YOUR CASH!!

Make sure you have passwords/access codes to ALL computers, bank accounts, credit cards, etc. Try them out. Make sure they work. Reset computer passwords with new software.

Get the following for your children:

1) Recent photos of your children, in clothes they typically wear.
2) Documentation of their physical descriptions.
3) Social Security, Student Body, and State ID cards.
4) Medical history, related info, and documents.
5) Immunization records.
6) Health history and/or special needs.
7) History of behavioral issues.
History of prescription medication.

CONTACT INFO for STBX and children: friends; extended family; service providers, doctors; school, counselors, day care; etc. If your STBX runs off with your kids, you'll need to track them down.

STBX's previous marriage and children:

1) Is she getting alimony and/or child support? How much? Paid by who?
a) Can she get alimony re-instated from her previous ex?

2) What was the value of her property settlement? What did she bring into your marriage?

3) Were any of her past debts serviced during the course of your marriage?

Remember, issues like these can, and do make a difference in property settlement. More importantly, this info might show "bad faith" or "intent." In other words, is your STBX is using marriage as a means of embezzlement or early retirement? Are you her next target?

STBX's school & job info:

1) Level of education/continuing education.

2) Current level and duration of employment/unemployment/underemployment/non-employment status.
a) Salary history and benefits package.
b) Career path.
c) Job skills.
d) Anticipated raises and/or promotions.
e) Anticipated career/job change.

3) Document willingness, or lack thereof, to become employed, better employed, or otherwise permanently self-sustaining.
a) You want to minimize potential alimony and child support as much as possible.

INVENTORY:

Take inventory of everything you own. List the difference between "cash value" and "replacement cost." There is a difference!! Back-up your written inventory with videos, pictures, and appraisals. Store everything in a safe place.

COMMUNITY ASSETS: Are they greater than you think? Where did it all go?

Before, or during your marriage, did your STBX set up any form of "asset protection" where she is named beneificiary? Remember, assets could be in her name or under an alias. Perhaps a friend, a relative, a bank, or an attorney has assets "buried" for your STBX under an alias, or within a corporation? These are all good places to hide marital assets:

1) Real estate.
2) Stocks, bonds.
3) LLC's, corporations, trusts.
4) Businesses; ventures. partnerships.
5) Off-shore holdings; bank accounts; investments.

WASTING MONEY:

During the course of your marriage, did your STBX, or did your STBX force/insist that you:

1) Give/< edited > away monies, assets, or property of any kind?
2) Did she waste money on herself? eg: college, clothes, jewelery, or cosmetic surgury?
3) Did she spend money on an outside relationship?
4) Did she waste money on a home business?
5) Did she forge your signature on any checks or documents?
6) Did she waste money on failed drug/alcohol treatment?

Remember, issues like these make a difference in property settlement.

ASSETS:

Make a thorough list of assets, equity, debt, monthly income, and expenses. List everything, including names that appear on each document. Don't forget student loans and day care. Your list must include: current values; dates of acquisition and purchase price; payment and income history (paid by/earned by who?). Your list must be exhaustive!!

Note: Any debt acquired during your marriage is a community debt. A student loan however, is more complicated. In essence, you are taking an "asset" with you and leaving a debt behind. If you anticipate paying child support and/or alimony, you could argue the increased income is a
direct result of this asset. It is therefore simultaneously captured thru the debt, ie; your greater income potential would not be possible without the accompanying debt. Obviously, the other side will argue for higher support and leave you with your mountain of student loan debt
at the same time. In other words, they want it both ways. Chances are,the judge will agree.

Real estate: Purchase price; equity; down payment; mortgage balance; monthly payment; maintenance; improvements; etc. Get your house appraised. Apply for refinancing. The numbers won't be equal. Such differences can be significant in property settlement.

Also include: Vehicles; boats; RV's; condo time shares; business/partnership interests/equity; credit cards; stocks & bonds; bank and investment accounts; jewelry and other items of value; etc.

Don't forget: Debts; gifts; inheritance; any type of "windfall;" lottery winnings; etc.

Meanwhile, STAY FOCUSED FROM THE BEGINNING.

1) DIG IN AND FIGHT DIRTY. THIS IS WAR!! THERE ARE NO RULES!!
a) If you take the "high road," you will lose.
b) If you compromise, you will lose.

2) Once you file, keep the heat on. NEVER let up on your STBX.
a) It's up to you to maintain momentum and keep pressure on your STBX "CONTINUALLY." Your attorney can't possibly do this for you. This is your fight, and yours alone.

3) Filing first sets the tone for the entire process.
a) The chances of winning or losing depends "SIGNIFICANTLY" upon who files first.
b) Filing first gives you distinct advantage. You control the high ground.
c) NEVER compromise your position nor your advantage.

__________________
Sharky