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37 Reasons Michael Phelps is Better than Chuck Norris
1. Michael Phelps isn't like a fish, a fish is like Michael Phelps
2. When Michael Phelps falls in water, Michael Phelps doesn't get wet. Water gets Michael Phelps
3. Michael Phelps doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage
4. Michael Phelps wasn't born he was hatched
5. Michael Phelps can eat out a mermaid
6. When you say "no one's perfect", Michael Phelps takes this as a personal insult
7. Michael Phelps counted to infinity twice while doing the breast stroke
8. Michael Phelps can no longer shower because water is afraid of him
9. When Michael Phelps looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Michael Phelps
10. Bigfoot takes pictures of Michael Phelps
11. On the Asian market, Michael Phelps' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce
12. Michael Phelps can dribble a football
13. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Michael Phelps out. It failed miserably
14. Michael Phelps can make water run uphill
15. Michael Phelps can divide by zero
16. When you Google 'Michael Phelps losing' you get no results because it just doesn't happen
17. Phelps once punched a hole thru a shark just to see down the ocean
18. If by some incredible space-time paradox, Michael Phelps would ever swim against himself, he'd win. Period.
19. Phelps doesn't sweat, he drips chlorine
20. Michael Phelps recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull
21. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Michael Phelps
22. Michael Phelps was what Willis was talkin' about
23. Michael Phelps saved Gepetto from the whale
24. Michael Phelps can swim through ice
25. Every time Michael Phelps laughs, an undertow kills 3 orphans
26. When in China, Michael Phelps would order whole chickens but only eat their souls…then do the breast stroke
27. Rappers no longer wear bling, they wear Michael Phelps
28. You can find a pot of Phelps at the end of the rainbow
29. There's an order to the universe: space, time, Michael Phelps.... Just kidding, Michael Phelps is first every time
30. People no longer go swimming, they go phelpsing
31. Contrary to popular belief, Phelps actually parted the Red Sea with his freestyle medley
32. Water would rather jump to its death than be near Michael Phelps, hence waterfalls
33. As a child, Phelps didn't wear water wings, water wings wore Michael Phelps
34. As polar ice caps continue to melt, humans will begin to evolve to adjust to a world of water. Conclusion: Phelps is from the future
35. Phelps taught Aquaman how to swim
36. Hurricane Phelps is a sign of the apocalypse; it makes Katrina look like a muddy puddle
37. Michael Phelps' sperm backstrokes
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