Quote:
Originally Posted by PersianKitty
Do you consider her a friend? If so, do no more or no less than you would for any other friend. Would you go out of your way in the same way for
Do you this situation having her so close and helping her sends a mixed message to your son? He's 14, I'd say talk to him about the situation. He's old enough to hear how you feel and make his own decisions about how he feels about it. Hopefully it's not in the back of his mind that having her near might mean you get back together (what kid doesn't kinda think that way).
If I were the woman in this situation, I don't see how I would ever even consider moving in next door to you. Unless.. she sees it as you'll do whatever she needs of you to get her on her feet and out of there. If that's the case, it's just wrong of her on so many levels.
In answer to your question "how much am I supposed to do for this woman?" the answer is zero. She's an adult. She's responsible for her own life and her own decisions, the path she takes and the situation she is in now (no home, no car, etc). Sure she is the mother of your son (although you say she chose to give up custody), but that doesn't mean you are bound to help her any time she needs it or wants it.
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Thanks for this message. One of things I am dealing with right now is my son not wanting to walk across the street to go see his mom. He and I have talked and he knows that his mother and I are not getting back together. She is humbled by what has happened to her but I'm not the person to beat her down further for my own benefit. I want my son's mother to be the pillar of stability that a mother should be. She doesn't want to be living next door to me, I don't want her to do that either. She wants to stand on her own two feet. It's tough I'm sure for a person to be twice divorced. She has no other children besides my son, so in many respects, I may be her last line of sanity and I would not like to be the person to push her over the edge of the cliff towards madness. I'd rather be a touchstone for her to be able to grab hold of and swing back up to better things. I know that for her, I don't have any responsibility, however, for our son, the responsibility is the most important thing that is. My son's mother will always be his mother and I will always be his father. It is what I show my son in this time that will ultimately be the legacy that I leave him.
I don't want to be the asshole that treated "that woman" badly and left her out there for the vultures.
I want to be the guy that was able to teach my offspring to take care of what is important (family) with no regard to spite nor retribution.
I have to think for more than myself in this situation. I have to think about how what I decide will lead my son in his future.
Tough...
DG