We all have demons that haunt us, some more than others. Sometimes we can never get rid of them and spend a lifetime learning to keep them in their place. We all have inner strength, it is just a matter of believing in it and actually talking to ourselves. Learn how to question your actions and think about why you do the things you do, learn to recognize when you start to slip and teach yourself to dig in your heels and refuse to slide down that barrel.
Reading your post made me cry, because I saw someone I loved in your words and it is too late his time has past, but it isn't too late for you, believe in that and soon you will believe in yourself. I think you do already though, because I see in your words belief that you deserve a second chance to make things right, and that is where it all starts
