GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - View Single Post

digifan · 02-12-2003, 10:25 PM

HARD DRINKERS
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the
Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya
don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?". The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

TWO COMPLAINTS
A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train. Along came this woman, seeing the two cute babies, started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?" The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know." The lady asked again, "Which is the boy and which is the girl?" The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know." The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of
a father are you?" The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a
condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company."

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES
A man walked into the bar at a hotel that was hosting a convention of personal hygiene product salesmen. He sat down at a table with some of his brethren. Immediately one of the other salesmen accosted him, "Hey Bill! We
were just talking about you. Your territory sucks!
Nobody was ever able to make a living in it before you.
But now, you son-of-a-bitch, you win the all-expense-paid trip to Vegas three years in a row, selling almost twice as much as anyone else in the whole Southwest region! How in the hell do you do it?" Bill replied, "It's easy! I take a big engraved silver bowl and fill it up with fresh dog crap. Next I garnish it carefully with parsley sprigs, celery stalks, scallions, olives and thin-sliced red bell pepper rings. I take this to the airport and set it on a table on an elegantly embroidered white tablecloth. I serve samples on cocktail wafers to all that pass by. As soon as someone takes a bite they usually say, "Jesus Christ! This stuff tastes like CRAP!" I reply, "Yes sir! EXACTLY what it is! Would you care to buy a toothbrush?"

02-12-2003, 10:25 PM
digifan The Profiler Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: ICQ 76281726 and I'm female Posts: 14,618	HARD DRINKERS A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?". The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first". TWO COMPLAINTS A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm, while waiting for a train. Along came this woman, seeing the two cute babies, started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?" The man gave the lady an angry look and replied, "I don't know." The lady asked again, "Which is the boy and which is the girl?" The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know." The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?" The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are two complaints that I am taking back to my company." HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES A man walked into the bar at a hotel that was hosting a convention of personal hygiene product salesmen. He sat down at a table with some of his brethren. Immediately one of the other salesmen accosted him, "Hey Bill! We were just talking about you. Your territory sucks! Nobody was ever able to make a living in it before you. But now, you son-of-a-bitch, you win the all-expense-paid trip to Vegas three years in a row, selling almost twice as much as anyone else in the whole Southwest region! How in the hell do you do it?" Bill replied, "It's easy! I take a big engraved silver bowl and fill it up with fresh dog crap. Next I garnish it carefully with parsley sprigs, celery stalks, scallions, olives and thin-sliced red bell pepper rings. I take this to the airport and set it on a table on an elegantly embroidered white tablecloth. I serve samples on cocktail wafers to all that pass by. As soon as someone takes a bite they usually say, "Jesus Christ! This stuff tastes like CRAP!" I reply, "Yes sir! EXACTLY what it is! Would you care to buy a toothbrush?"