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Based on films I have seen, I can wholeheartedly recommend the following:
Befriend a local handyman, preferably at your apartment complex. Optimally, he should be Asian.
Make sure he sees you get your ass kicked by Johnny and the rest of the Cobra-Kais.
Ask him to teach you Karate and train you...
When he requests you sand his deck, wax his cars, or paint his house, do not be alarmed or think he is trying to scam you.
Most importantly, if you see him doing some kind of Crane-like stance... pay attention.
If you are devoted, you can defeat Johnny and his gang.
Commitment is key: Karate yes, ok. Karate no, ok. Karate maybe? Squish like grape.
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