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too cool for highschool
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: East side, West side, Worldwide!
Posts: 12,164
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Some more:
Quote:
man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up,
quickly
wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel
that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked
in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and
leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman
wraps
back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower,
"Who was that?"
"It was Bob, the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk in time with your shareholders, you may be in a
position
to prevent avoidable exposure.
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Quote:
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes
out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give
each of
you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Pouf!
She's
gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to
be
in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an
endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Pouf! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I
want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
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Quote:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw
the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all
day
long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the crow, and
rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and
ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting
very, very high up.
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Quote:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave
him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next
day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the
top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey
out
of the tree.
Moral of the story: BS may get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there.
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