Brad

So?to make a long story short ? actually it?s not really that long a story I just like saying that ? I was inebriated last night and I was razing my friend for his shrinking standards. Seems that he is under the impression that he has high standards but he just doesn?t adhere to those standards very closely, especially when he is drunk. Needless to say, he is a quantity before quality man these days. I was joking that he should start going after seniors as it is really the only sect of society that he has yet to conquer (besides of course crack heads and homeless people, but that?s not really safe even if you do double bag it with a layer of tinfoil in between).

Jokingly he mentioned that he thought that was a great idea and may hit up the retirement homes this weekend and you know ?go after the ones with respirators and random tubes hanging off of everywhere.? I was taken aback a little at this suggestion as he is not usually the person to take it to the next level or to ?cross the line?. I have to admit though that I thought this was probably the best idea he has had in a long time (maybe ever), but I thought he should take it a step further. Vaginas, Assholes, and Mouths are the kind of orifices a normal person would go after, and considering the setting (a nursing home) I also felt that what he would be getting himself into was quite a few steps beyond ?sloppy seconds? or thirds for that matter. I was trying to think of something new, something innovative to penetrate. The usual orifices came to mind, ears, eye sockets; all the places people joke about fucking but never will unless they are willing to go to the morgue (or dare I say dig up a corpus?).

In all my years of cyber spelunking I think I have pretty much seen it all (as I?m sure most people here have). So it was going to be hard to come up with something new. I knew that it would be shocking and probably a little bit more than mildly offensive.

Then it came to me?

I said, ?You have to fuck a tracheotomy?.

Granted it would have to be a relatively big one, but it could no doubt be penetrated with a little lube and some patience.

With that we proceeded to laugh like kids who had just smoked their first joint. Tears were flowing, abs were hurting. Truly you know you?ve seen too much porn when?

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