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Scootermuze · 01-08-2003, 07:22 AM

Not much will be resolved til someone finds out why he does this stuff..
Nobody has an answer because nobody knows the real problem.. All that has been discussed are the symptoms. You have to find the cause of it all. It could have been the divorce that started it all and nobody ever sat him down and explained the issue, or talked to him.. and listened to his views or opinions.
Could have been somethin even earlier than this..
You said 'when your dad "yells" at him, he agrees..' Yelling doesn't resolve a thing. All yelling does is belittle a person.
Perhaps he is acting out something that makes him feel a certain way..
Perhaps he never felt really accepted by his parents.. especially if yelling and arguing was part of how he saw his parents (speaking from experience)..
'Tough love' is hard to grasp if there was no 'real love' early on.

I could write a book here, but it would just be another opinion..

Try this... Find a situation when things are kind of ok and not when tempers are flaring.. ask him for help with something.. doesn't matter what, just some simple little thing that will put the two of you on a level playing field.. no offense/defense thing.. shoot the bull about the thing he's helping you with, then try to ease the conversation to something earlier and throw in a line about how you used to hate when this or that happened.. See how he responds.. if at all..
Just try to develop a raport so he feels like he can talk about things.. it might work.. it might not. If he starts relating to what you're talking about, he may get on a roll and spill his guts. Who knows.. the two of you may find a whole new relationship.
Naturally, not being a professional in such a field, you may not know what little things to listen for, but it might not matter.. your the sis, and he might just want to open up to you about things.. if given the non-judgemental opportunity..
If you do try something like this.. don't become the parent.. just remain the sis.. don't argue.. don't judge.. just shoot the bull.. You might be surprised what you learn about how he feels about things.. and perhaps even why he does what he does.. I would think it's at least worth a try.
I know this can work because I have done it on a number of ocassions with people.. both young and old.

01-08-2003, 07:22 AM
Scootermuze Confirmed User Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 4,513	Not much will be resolved til someone finds out why he does this stuff.. Nobody has an answer because nobody knows the real problem.. All that has been discussed are the symptoms. You have to find the cause of it all. It could have been the divorce that started it all and nobody ever sat him down and explained the issue, or talked to him.. and listened to his views or opinions. Could have been somethin even earlier than this.. You said 'when your dad "yells" at him, he agrees..' Yelling doesn't resolve a thing. All yelling does is belittle a person. Perhaps he is acting out something that makes him feel a certain way.. Perhaps he never felt really accepted by his parents.. especially if yelling and arguing was part of how he saw his parents (speaking from experience).. 'Tough love' is hard to grasp if there was no 'real love' early on. I could write a book here, but it would just be another opinion.. Try this... Find a situation when things are kind of ok and not when tempers are flaring.. ask him for help with something.. doesn't matter what, just some simple little thing that will put the two of you on a level playing field.. no offense/defense thing.. shoot the bull about the thing he's helping you with, then try to ease the conversation to something earlier and throw in a line about how you used to hate when this or that happened.. See how he responds.. if at all.. Just try to develop a raport so he feels like he can talk about things.. it might work.. it might not. If he starts relating to what you're talking about, he may get on a roll and spill his guts. Who knows.. the two of you may find a whole new relationship. Naturally, not being a professional in such a field, you may not know what little things to listen for, but it might not matter.. your the sis, and he might just want to open up to you about things.. if given the non-judgemental opportunity.. If you do try something like this.. don't become the parent.. just remain the sis.. don't argue.. don't judge.. just shoot the bull.. You might be surprised what you learn about how he feels about things.. and perhaps even why he does what he does.. I would think it's at least worth a try. I know this can work because I have done it on a number of ocassions with people.. both young and old.