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I AM NOT A CANADIAN
Guy Québecois
(clears throat)
I'm not unemployed or smuggling cigarettes across the border
I don't eat Pepsi and May West for breakfast
I don't watch da hockey game doing it doggie-style
And no, I don't know Claude, Manon, or François in Abitibi-Témiscamingue
But I'm sure they all have nice teeth
I smoke in church
I speak Québecois in joual, not French or English
I pronounce it "tird", not third
And eating French fries with cheese makes sense, mon ostie,
I believe in a distinct society, as long as someone else pays for it
I believe in language-police, not equal rights
And, calisse, I believe that Club Super-Sex is an appropriate place
for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire
What the hell, she goes on at ten anyway
In Québec, the Stanley Cup actually comes around more often than
Halley's comet
I can get beer at the dépanneur, not the convenience store
And maybe I can't turn right on a red light
But tabarnak, I can go right through it
Because Québec is the world's largest producer of maple syrup
The home of Céline Dion and Roch Voisine
The land where everybody is shacking up and the legal drinking age is
just a suggestion
Je m'appelle Guy, and I am not Canadian
Mot, t'a dit, tabarnak, ostie.
Merci, salut la vedette
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