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speaking of funny airlline stuff
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Actual logged maintenance problems submitted by pilots and the solution recorded by the mechanics of QUANTAS, the only major airline that has never had an accident .
Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Mechanic: Almost replaced left inside main tire
Pilot: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Mechanic: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Pilot: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
Mechanic: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.
Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Mechanic: Something tightened in cockpit.
Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Mechanic: Live bugs on backorder.
Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
Mechanic: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Mechanic: Evidence removed.
Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Mechanic: DME volume set to more believable level.
Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Mechanic: That's what they're there for!
Pilot: IFF inoperative.
Mechanic: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Pilot: Suspected crack in windscreen.
Mechanic: Suspect you're right.
Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Mechanic: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Mechanic: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Pilot: Target radar hums.
Mechanic: Reprogrammed target radar with words.
Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Mechanic: Cat installed.
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